Madame or Mademoiselle
When you become a particular age, you are a ‘dame’, pronounced with a short a [dahm]. There is no real set age, but it is usually about the time of marriage. I was really excited to become a Madame in my butterfly metamorphosis of marriage and took great pains to correct pain (bread) sellers who had erred on my prefix by flashing them the bague (ring) on my left hand while grabbing my fresh baked baguette with my right. Little did I know that calling me Mademoiselle was a form of flirting and was supposed to make me feel young again. I guess the little crows feet forming around my eyes were screeching to be placated with more than just retinol cream and vitamin B6.
During the Ancien Régime, worker women and common ladies were always belittled and called "Mademoiselle", even when they were married! This usage disappeared after the French Revolution. In fact, form of address is now tending in favor of "Madame", which means “my lady”. The tendency is to call all young-looking females Mademoiselle, and older females Madame. Where that line is drawn is clearly how old you look in the other person’s eyes and whether they want to flatter you or not. The reason that this is such a big deal in France is that it’s well-mannered to address everyone as Monsieur and Madame. I mean everyone. They say it all day long. Everywhere. Especially when you see your neighbor on the street and when you go into an establishment – usually proceeding with Bonjour or Bonsoir in a jolly voice – saying this will win you points in the politeness category and score you better service. At the end of your pleasant exchange, don’t forget to say Merci, Madame or Au revoir, Monsieur, because you are expected to address them again with their title.
It gets hairy if you are in a transvestite bar, I suppose. Equally difficult if that person has a title and you know about it. Therefore, if you are dining with the General, don’t talk about indecent overseas wars, but you may ask the General’s wife to pass the mashed potatoes by addressing her as Madame le Général. If you happen to be at a posh hotel in Canada, and you see Bernadette Chirac shopping for Persian rugs, you would say Bonjour Madame le Président, but do not ask about how her husband is recovering after the face lift no one was supposed to know about! Speaking of doctors, they, of course, are called Docteur and even lawyers are called Maistre – at 200 euros per hour, make sure to talk fast!
There is one particular vegetable seller at the farmer’s market that gets under my skin, because he always greets me cheerily with “Bonjour Mademoiselle!” Then I saw him greeting a grandmother the same way, so I know that he is just being smarmy and trying to lure in customers to his substandard radishes. I have boycotted his produce stand. I fell for his trap once last summer and bought some watermelon from him that was mushy. Pasty pastèque, yuck. Luckily, I found a new vegetable seller around the corner, who greets me with “Bonjour Madame” and who has wonderful fresh produce…and who tells the truth: I am a ‘Dame’, dammit!
